Why You Can’t Get A Girlfriend – 7 Reasons
Why You Can’t Get A Girlfriend – 7 Reasons
One thing I’ve learned doing dating coaching over the last 16 years, and that’s this:
Most men (and women!) have almost NO CLUE about how attraction between the sexes really works.
Now, when I say NO CLUE – I mean that they THINK they understand it, and PRETEND to understand relationships, but honestly don’t. I think it’s mostly because they don’t want to seem like they’re ignorant to the other 98% of the population that is also pretending to know what they’re doing.
Most of the guys who pretend to know how to date a lot of girls will give you the same lame advice:
- “Dude, you gotta be confident…”
- “You gotta know how to talk to women…”
- “You gotta know how to dress…”
- “You gotta…”
Well, sad to say that half of these guys are usually “naturals” with women (meaning they intuitively have gotten women without knowing what the $#&% they are doing, or they’re good looking.)
The other half are guys that don’t really have ANY skill with women, but just happen to have a girlfriend at the moment. Which means they’re currently doing 100% better than you, and they think that entitles them to tell you “how the game works.”
My sales mentor from years ago once told me:
“Don’t ever take advice from someone who’s not doing what you want to be doing. Or has what you want.”
I’d add to that:
“Don’t take advice from lucky fools.”
They don’t know, but they’re pretend it was all skill, and then they’ll confuse and ruin you.
Instead, go to the guy who knows how it works – AND can explain it! That’s why you’re here, I’m assuming.
So if you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why the hell can’t I get a girlfriend?” – I’m about to give you some earth-shaking revelations. Starting with:
Why can’t I get a girlfriend? REASON #1: You reek of desperation…
Now, before you dismiss this as not applying to you, let me remind you that NO ONE thinks they’re acting desperately. Unfortunately this is the delusion that is ultimately going to make them marry a woman WAY below they’re pay grade.
Desperation shows in many ways:
- Too eager
- Too “there”
- Too attentive
The sad fact is that many women can be snowed over with this behavior. Especially if she doesn’t get asked out a lot. She will likely be so starving for attention and to have a guy desire her that she can’t tell the difference between desperate neediness and romantic obsession.
To be fair, most guys don’t know the difference.
Which means you need to ask and find out if you’re coming across with a stench of clingy weirdness.
(This is also what people mean when they say you need to “be more confident.” Confidence is the polar opposite of desperation.)
Oh, and don’t ask your best ‘girl buddy’ about this. Chances are she’s only hanging around you because your lack of interest is challenging and attractive to her, OR she’s taken you on as a pet project.
Ask a guy who is known for telling the painful truth, not a friend. If you want the truth, go hunt it down.
Don’t believe the B.S. other people spew as gospel.
Why can’t I get a girlfriend? REASON #2: You have no social proof…
Social proof is based on the idea of social influence, stating that people will conform in order to be liked or accepted by the influencer (or society).
What that’s saying is that if the group likes it, we like it. If the group accepts it, we tend to accept it.
That group can even be just one person that has a lot of influence.
So here’s the deal: Do you have people that know you and like you? You have to make sure women encounter you with those people.
A lone wolf approach is going to immediately brand you as unproven, strange, and not quite trustworthy.
If you have no friends, that should be your first order of business – WAY before finding a girlfriend. If you did manage to get a girlfriend with no social circle of your own, she’s going to lose you faster than an ass rash, or ask you to join her Goth Facebook page.
Social proof defines humans in a social order. Think of it as your social “credit rating.”
And women want to know you’ve got the points…
Why can’t I get a girlfriend? REASON #3: You’re a victim of your own issues…
I talk to guys all the time that are perfectly fine looking, earn a good income, and just look fantastic – on paper.
But the second they go out on a date, or even manage to meet a woman, their weird emotional issues start getting triggered. I call this their “Weird Stuff.”
The do all kinds of things to ruin it for themselves:
- Get jealous, or needy…
- Get hung up on ONE girl that they can never have…
- Get critical and picky – basically pushing every girl away…
- Lose their willingness to stay clean and well shaven
- They start to get insecure and talk themselves into screwing it up
This list could be so long that it would literally break the page you’re reading it on. It also includes things like being too picky to avoid intimacy and connection, as well as a bunch of other “issues.”
The point is that every guy out there knows what his “stuff” is. And every single one of those guys is trying to cover it up with what I call “guy-makeup.” Women cover up imperfections in their face with makeup, and guys like this do the same thing by covering up their weird behaviors (and confidence issues) with guy-makeup.
If you’re going to get that girl, you have to work on yourself, chum. There’s nothing in the world that’s going to keep a woman from seeing through that.
Sooner or later, your Weird Stuff shows up.
Why can’t I get a girlfriend? REASON #4: You have exactly NO balls…
These days guys seem to really run around in a constant fear of rejection. I’m not going to label generations, but you know what I’m talking about MILLENNIALS!
I’m kind of kidding there… it’s just about every generation that expects women to walk up and approach THEM. They expect the woman to initiate.
Look, I’m sorry the media has completely misled you on this, but women’s equality does NOT mean she’s just been waiting for the go ahead to start hitting on you.
Men are the supply, and women are the demand.
Men want what women got, so they get to wait for us to step up and prove ourselves to them. It’s the way of nature, and you’re lack of courage won’t change that.
I was like this once myself. Secretly hoping that I could put on a dash of some secret cologne and women would just dog-pile on me.
IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!
Anyone that promises this to you isn’t being up-front.
Sure, you can get women feeling attraction and fighting over you – but that takes some skills you probably don’t have right now. AND you still have to reach out and be seen by them in the first place.
So rather than hope you can skate by on a wish and a prayer, you’d be better off figuring out why women seem so scary to you that you can’t even talk to them.
Because if you’re a fraidy cat now, she’s going to make sure you really don’t have any balls in the relationship.
Why can’t I get a girlfriend? REASON #5: You avoid social situations…
This includes avoiding groups of people for a wide variety of reasons, including the ones that start out with you self-identifying with your “Weird Stuff” I talked about above.
Look, I get it. I’m an introvert at heart. I get my recharge by being alone and playing video games and playing guitar.
A lot of guys who can’t get laid resort to reading and theorizing about the world a lot. They have very little actual practical experience because they want to avoid action. And the best delay tactic is to be stuck in never-ending book learning.
But ultimately, humans are social animals and need to socialize. Not only for friendships, but yeah – to get a girlfriend you need to meet people.
So you have to let go of your fears about social awkwardness a bit. I see a lot of guys who hold on to their solitary lifestyle and defend it with the fervor of a Southern Baptist Pastor on Sunday.
Stop avoiding people and relating to people. Drop your resistance – and you just might find that it’s not so bad as you think.
Why can’t I get a girlfriend? REASON #6: You’re a negative Nancy…
This reason for not having a girlfriend is similar to the antisocial one in #5 above. A lot of guys use negativity as a defense mechanism, too.
My personal flavor was one of angry sarcasm and dark humor. I came across as funny, but painfully so.
In the end, I didn’t attract anyone because I was so negative about things. The funny part was that I really wasn’t really a negative guy. I just did it for the laughs.
Once you let go of the anger and feelings of injustice that we men often wallow in, we’re more open to people.
Negativity will drown you in emptiness, so let go of that need to pre-judge the world…
Why can’t I get a girlfriend? REASON #7: You have NO PLAN…
Let’s face it – most guys wing it.
I did.
I went for years thinking I could just “figure women out” and get what all the other guys were getting. I ended up so wrong that I almost jumped off a bridge.
So don’t ever delude yourself into thinking that love, sex, and relationships are subjects that you’re just “born knowing.”
NO one comes factory installed with the knowledge to attract women.
No one has a “map to my girlfriend” tattooed on their arm for easy reference.
That’s why I made a plan of my own.
I sat down and mapped out all the things you need to get a girlfriend in one easy reference tool…
